Picture this: it’s a Monday morning and you wake up late for school. You throw whatever you can find and run out the door. To make matters worse, you get to school at 8:26 and are marked late. You groggily walk into mentoring thinking, “This day cannot get any worse,” except, it can. You walk in to see your teacher has been turned into a zombie! With no idea what to do, your first instinct is to open the MIA Wave and read this article: Marco Island Academy’s Zombie Survival Guide.

First things first, assess your surroundings. Think to yourself, is there anything around that wants to eat me, and can I escape? If it’s yes and yes, get out of there. If it is yes and no, prepare to rumble. The most important thing to know about zombies is that they are slow, so out running them should be fairly simple. In this case, you are trapped with a zombie. Grab the first you can find, a chair, a table, fire hydrant, laptop, the annoying girl’s Stanley, anything, and throw it at the zombie. That said, for our pacifists out there, this won’t be an option. In that case, my advice would be to sit down and talk with the zombie, and try to come to a consensus. Diplomacy can be the greatest weapon you have. 

Now that you’ve learned how to take care of zombies, you have to find food and shelter. Your best bet is making it to the third floor. Once there, lock yourself in the snack shack room. Board the door to the snack shack and lunch area. This way, you have the food and the lunch area to yourself. You’ll have to use the snack shack windows as a little doggy door, but it’ll work.

So, now that you have the place with food all to yourself, you’re gonna have to start thinking ahead. Eventually, all those skittles and cosmic brownies will run out. Luckily for you, there are planters outside that you can use to grow vegetables in. If you’d prefer meat, try hunting those crows that always scream at everyone during lunch. By now I hope you’ve gotten the idea to make those umbrellas into spears. If you haven’t, I’ll tell you, make the umbrellas into spears. Now that you have some weapons and a little base, you are good to survive, for now at least. 

If you see any non-zombie classmates, teachers, or friends, don’t help them. Automatically assume that everyone is out to get you and your stash of cosmic brownies. Now that you have developed paranoia and your zombie hunting skills, you are ready to survive without a guide. Just remember to have fun as you watch society crumble around you!