A Parent’s Guide to Moving: A Satire Piece

A Parent’s Guide to Moving: A Satire Piece

Bella Burgos, Contributing Writer

As a parent, moving can be a very hard decision to make…if you go through with it. You have to realize that your children are affected by this. It may be difficult to properly help your children transition. Here are some steps you can take to ensure a  smooth process. 

 

Have a Plan

No need to fret, this is an easy step for you caretakers out there. Preparing shouldn’t be too tough. There’s no need to find a school for your child or even a home! And if you can’t find a home in time, don’t even try to extend your lease. Tuck ‘em into bed with heart-warming thoughts of not knowing if they’ll be homeless the next day! That intersection on Tamiami Trail E looked a little lonely anyway!

Tell Your Children That You Are Moving

You have to make sure they are mentally prepared to make that switch. You can spread this process from 1-2 weeks to a year! Let your kid simmer in the idea of saying goodbye! 

 

Move Them at a Proper Time in Their Studies

Ooh, this is a good one! You might want to move your child at a good time. You could do this when they begin high school orI don’t knowhalfway through their senior year. So cute and quirky! Who cares if they have to finish those last credits or apply to college?

 

Be There for them Throughout the Process

Moving can be very difficult for your child. They have to say goodbye to a place and people they’ve known for years. While they are experiencing this, you could either be at home reassuring them… or you could be 887 miles away in the Dominican Republic! Spend your time drinking coconut water, riding a banana boat, and enjoying that Caribbean breeze! I’m sure your children will magically figure out when they’re supposed to move, queen! 

 

I hope that these steps can help you through this difficult transition that you and your child will have to make! Although, to be frank, don’t follow this guide. Children deserve to be a large consideration of this decision. Your actions reflect on them; they are an extension of you. Hence, do not follow this guide. Just don’t move at all!