As Halloween approaches, the immense pressure of the spooky season pushes the public to go out and spend their annual salaries on Halloween candy. As children (and some adults) head to the streets, some of them may want the trick rather than some of these treats.

#1 Dots

Now, I’m probably the first person that would defend these things to the death, but most people despise them. You’ll probably be finding dots behind your molars on Christmas day. They’re the gift that keeps on giving. Dots are supposed to be fruity gumdrops, but they honestly look like the rubber things you use to stop furniture from sliding. So what? They’re multipurpose.

#2 Tootsie Fruit Chews

As a kid, I used to eat these until I got sick. I loved them, but now that I’m older, I realize how much they remind me of what it would be like to eat a scented candle. The vanilla one really tastes like a Bath and Body Works candle…not that I would know. What does vanilla have to do with something labeled as a “fruit chew”? Tootsie really needs to reevaluate their products.

#3 Butterfinger

I am sorry, but these are so bad. I know there are some butterfinger fans, but these melt questionably fast and they’re never a good idea. Apparently in 2019, Butterfinger decided to change their recipe and even fans are disgusted by it. Maybe the old butterfinger was good, but I am sure that I do not like the current candy bar. In sports, when someone says you have “butterfingers”, it’s an insult. I think the Ferrara Candy Company really dropped the ball with this candy.

#4 Tootsie Roll

Before any of you completely come at me, hear me out. Tootsie rolls are great when you realize you’ve already eaten all of the good candy. Nobody willingly goes out and buys tootsie rolls at the store. Usually, they’re mixed in with candy that’s actually good. Tootsie rolls are more of a “filler” candy. It also has always confused me. Is it taffy? Is it chocolate? Is it an artificial plastic that’s going to kill me in 5-10 years? I’m out on this one…let’s roll!

#5 Smarties

Once again, do not come at me please. I recognize that some people like Smarties, but no one willingly goes out and buys them for personal consumption. It’s flavored chalk, people. Be a smarty and don’t hand this out on Halloween.

#6 Non-candy items

We get it. You’re “not like other moms”, but please just go buy candy like everyone else. I guarantee you, kids are not going to be thrilled when they see a bag of dry pretzels. If it’s not candy, turn your porch light off. 

#7 Jaw Breakers

The revenue generated from dentist bills alone could probably pay off everyone’s student loan debt. The concept of a candy breaking your jaw is not necessarily the best marketing tactic, yet we all continue to pop ’em into our mouths from time to time. It is also perfectly designed to resemble a gumball that you…chew. How could people not love this candy? It’s the perfect choking hazard!

#8 Mr. Goodbar

These are a sad excuse for a candy bar. It’s just peanuts and chocolate. Way to be creative, Hershey. Seriously, why are these still on the market? They’re probably cheap to make so the company is making some serious bank off of peanuts and chocolate. Also, the slogan for this bar is “Quick energy in every bar!” Ah yes, yet another example of garbage labeled as being nutritious. I think it might be time for Mr. Goodbar’s funeral.

#9 Pixy Stix

I shouldn’t even have to tell you why this is a bad idea.

#10 Dubble Bubble

And now, we have reached the ultimate disappointment. This has no business being in a trick-or-treat bag this year. It is 2021, let’s stop pretending that any living species is able to chew this rock. This candy seems more like Dubble Trouble. That joke was almost as bad as this gum.

Stay safe out there and don’t hand out any of these candies if you want to keep the air in your tires and raw eggs off of your house.