With Thanksgiving quickly coming up, what is more exciting than the food? As a former horizontally challenged boy, the endless rolls and pie were a slice of Heaven. There is nothing more exciting than walking into the kitchen and smelling the freshly baked rolls and the smell of some warm pumpkin pie. But Thanksgiving is not always filled with food we are thankful for (especially with Aunt Patricia around), so here is a list of the top ten worst side dishes you should be sure to avoid this holiday.
1. Fo-Turkey
“This year I decided to make a vegan turkey!”
Those are the most dreaded words that dads all across America can hear on Thanksgiving. Just because Aunt Becky decided she wanted to be vegan this Thanksgiving, doesn’t mean that the whole family should be sucked into her lifeless diet too. The turkey is the most sacred part of Thanksgiving and without a turkey, it is just a normal day of arguments and the occasional racist offensive comment made by everyone’s deranged grandparents.
2. Jello Salad
No….. just no. Have we learned nothing from the 1950s?
3. Kraft Mac and Cheese
Mac and Cheese is arguably the GOAT of any Thanksgiving side dish or any side dish in general, but if I see Kraft Macaroni and Cheese on the table I am rioting. Leave the Kraft mac and cheese at your babysitting job and bring me some of the real, cheesy goodness. If I see anyone walk in the house with some powdered mac and cheese, I better see them walk right out of the house with their powdered mac and cheese.
4. Lumpy Mashed Potatoes
Mashed potatoes, the velvety heaven we all crave, turn into a lumpy nightmare. Because nothing says “Happy Thanksgiving” like potatoes lumpier than the family sofa bed. Aunt Rita, we love you, but the lumps gotta go – they’re worse than bringing up politics at the dinner table. A smooth potato experience is a basic human right.
5. Deviled Eggs
The deviled eggs’ controversial presence remains a Thanksgiving horror. It’s like a suspenseful horror movie, only with eggs. A horror that leaves you wondering, “If you should have ever put those “Deviled” eggs on your plate.” Deviled eggs can be a tasty treat, but you can never be too careful because one wrong batch can put you in an “egg-sistential” crisis.
6. Canned Cranberry Sauce
What is more appetizing than a block of cranberry sauce? Literally ANYTHING- if I could eat anything, why in the world would I want a slice of cranberry sauce? Since when has it become so universally accepted that it is okay to just bring a can of some Ocean Spray cranberry sauce and call it a dish?
7. Casseroles
Casseroles are the Hail Mary for using up leftovers and become a confusing mishmash. Thanksgiving deserves dishes that stand out, not a flavor symphony that makes you question your life choices. Nine out of ten times it’s a grandma who brings in a casserole, which makes it even scarier to eat it. I guarantee she has seven-year-old applesauce sitting in her fridge.
8. Potato Salad
What is with the “salad” craze lately? Calling something a salad does not make it tasty or healthy, especially when you put a whole tub of mayo in it. I’m sick of seeing everyone bring potato salad to dinner, because we all know that it is just a last resort for the cousin who forgot to make a dish, so they decided to grab some cold potatoes and a jar of mayonnaise. If I see another midwesterner bring potato salad, or, for that matter, any salads to Thanksgiving next year, I am boycotting.
9. Coleslaw
Coleslaw, the forgotten side, always fails to impress at Thanksgiving. It’s like the distant cousin no one really knows but insists on crashing the party. While coleslaw might be good at a barbecue, it is certainly not welcome at the Thanksgiving dinner table. I don’t know why people would think it is a good idea to bring some coleslaw to Thanksgiving when it is literally the one thing that is universally substituted for some extra bread or fries.
10. Soggy Stuffing
Stuffing is disgusting, plain and simple. There is a reason why not one person eats stuffing on any day other than Thanksgiving. We should keep it that way. Stuffing is like the cousin that no one likes at every family reunion. We make that cousin stay home so why can’t we leave the stuffing at home? Nothing is worse than expecting a nice crispy and fresh stuffing and then biting into a warm Thanksgiving sponge that came from a cardboard box.
But do you know what doesn’t come out of a box? The Wave’s Buzzkills. Happy Holidays!
