Nearly five years separate me from the wooden decks I used to walk down at Marco Island Academy. The stakes that supported those walkways have thus been torn down and replaced with a multi-purpose sports field; a field where, for the first time in MIA history, a lacrosse team competed just weeks ago. In some ways, the evolution of MIA reflects my own journey since my departure from high school. I have broken down parts of my past in order to build a better future. I have expanded my capacity to do new things. And I have started to show people what all I can be capable of. But like MIA, I still have a long road ahead of me filled with milestones I would like to achieve. 

One milestone occurred recently, on March 15^th, 2023, where a dream (once) deferred became a reality as I opened my acceptance e-mail into Columbia University’s Documentary Master of Science program in Journalism. In an explosion hypothesized in Harlem, I will soon be transplanted just six minutes from the home of Langston Hughes’s historic words. But first, young bloods, let me walk you down my windy path in an effort to inspire hope as you begin to enter the first of many life milestones of your own. 

Eager and competitive are words one could use to describe my 15-year-old self. I always did well in school, and I had a hunger to prove myself (being a middle child can do that…); but I have since learned that, in reality, the result of proving myself (much of the time) was actually just pleasing other people. For example, I spent a majority of my senior year interviewing and applying for West Point Academy because my father didn’t think I could get in – despite the fact I spent nearly half of my high school career protesting our government and fiercely fighting against authority figures, and had no real intentions of serving for these United States. With time I learned that I cannot possibly do nearly as well at anything I do to impress others compared to doing things that bring me fulfillment and joy. 

I ended up spending my four years after high school at Florida State University dual-degree-ing in international affairs and political science. As the first person in my family to attend college, it was a learning curve navigating the world of collegiate academia. The first year of college was… rough, to say the least. I struggled with depression, felt lost, unsure of who I was and what I wanted to do. Please note: there is a strong possibility that you may experience this ‘lost’ and ‘directionless-ness’ well into your twenties – this is normal. Your peers seeming to do well may not talk about their rough patches, and most people who pretend to have it all figured out are doing exactly that: pretending. Adulting is essentially one big cluster**** of trying your best, feeling a lot of new failures, and claiming your wins when and where you can. So do exactly that – claim every win you can. Struggling to get out of bed one week? Celebrate the showers you take, the face masks you relax in, or the sun you let shine on your face. Got an A on a paper? Go treat yourself to an expensive meal. Got a new part-time retail job? Splurge a little of your first check on that thing you kept telling yourself you shouldn’t waste your money on. Celebrating is the cornerstone of progress in your life; you can’t recognize your big successes in life if you don’t celebrate your little ones when you can. 

Something else I quickly realized was that college isn’t just a place for learning, it is also a place for unlearning. I had many moments in classrooms or in conversations with new friends from all over the country where I went, “Wait… what you’re saying contradicts with my experiences from and understanding of the world.” THOSE are the moments where true learning happens – where you can step outside of your perspective of this speck of time on Earth and realize how small you and your experiences are. This isn’t to say that your experiences don’t matter, it simply means that they don’t encapsulate the lived experiences of most people in the world. 

Even still, I find myself redefining my outlook on life; in a recent experience at the food bank I work at, I had a formerly incarcerated colleague disclose their charge to me. I admire this colleague, and believe he is a catalyst for positive change in this world, but because of the previous labels I attached to his charge, it took me the entire afternoon to unpack my own biases and realize how grey the world is – who is condemned for some charges while others are praised? Who incorporates criminal activity into their daily lives but are never incarcerated because of the societal biases associated with their skin color? The world we navigate is grey and murky, and the older you get the more you will realize how little you actually know, and how long the journey of educating yourself will be. 

As I begin to move forward in my next chapter of life, I find myself in similar predicaments I encountered in earlier endeavors. After the excitement of my admission into the documentary master’s program faded, I found myself questioning my capabilities and belonging in such a program. From the outside, it looks like I am entering into a world of many things I have been dreaming about for quite a while: attending my dream school, making documentaries for a living (how cool!), and living in New York City. But still, I feel a sense of self-diagnosed ‘trespasser syndrome’. Similar to imposter syndrome, but different in the sense that I know I am smart and I know I can learn new things, I feel like I am entering uncharted spaces occupied with people who know a lot more about the subject at hand, and that I have somehow convinced a board of admissions people who maybe chose me by accident. The very advice I have been giving you all is advice that I struggle to take myself. But therein lies my next advice: progress is not linear, and recognizing the negative thought patterns you experience is a good first step in moving past them – but you have to take the steps to move past those negative thoughts. For me, that looks like owning my new identity as a documentarian, and taking up space in new settings instead of shrinking because I feel like I don’t belong. 

I have written a lot of abstract ideas, but I leave you with this: how will you choose to navigate your new journeys and milestones in life? As corny as it sounds, you can really do some cool things in this crazy world and small time we have in it. Think about it, actor Brian Cranston (famously seen in Breaking Bad and Malcom in the Middle) didn’t have his first major breakthrough in acting until he was 40 years old. Samuel L. Jackson didn’t have his first major movie role until he was 40 when he had previously struggled with drug addiction. I have never had any real experience in journalism (aside from the two articles written for The Wave…), but still am embarking on a pivotal experience for my future journalism career. You can redefine yourself as many times as you want, and the things you were once shouting from the rooftops about can morph into new passions at any point. 

I hope you take the time to give yourself credit for even existing in a time-period where we are overwhelmed with so many negative things in this world, and I hope you choose to surround yourself with people who help you dream about all the amazing things you will do in spite of that.